Question:

I am married with 2 children. I love my wife and children. I am starting to see that my wife is acting unloving towards me. She is not putting any effort in trying to comfort me or enjoy time as husband and wife. She looks very bored with me and I believe she doesn't appreciate all the hard work I do to make her comfortable. I follow the sunnah and treat her the best as I can. I talked and talked with her about about being close to me and giving me hugs from time to time and really you know being a supportive wife. But i am getting fed-up. I want to marry another woman who can appreciate me and give me what I need physically and emotionally. Just some hugs and support , some loving words. And some I can see that she is making effort.

My questions are : What should I do? If I marry another wife , how can I be fair to both of them since I would probably love the next one more if she is more supportive. How can I treat them fairly?

 

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

You have taken the right step by speaking with your wife about the physical comfort and emotional support you believe is lacking from her side. However, you should take another look at why your wife is not responding to your needs instead of believing that the solution lies in marrying a second wife.

 

It might as well be that something has happened in her life that has made her seem unresponsive to your needs. So first of all, sit down and ask her: “How are things going in your life?” “Are you feeling tired or sick?” “Are the children bothering you a lot these days” “Do you have something on your mind?”

 

By beginning with her, and not yourself, you will get a chance to see why was there a change in her attitude towards you. Perhaps she won't tell you right away, but continue to speaking to her gently about her life. There is definitely something on her mind because the requests you are making for hugs and loving words is part of a healthy and loving relationship between husband and wife. It is inconceivable that she has just decided to stop without any reason.

 

You should also take time out to make dua to Allah to increase love between you and your wife. Seek the times when supplications are answered like the time between adhan and iqamah. Make dua frequently.

 

Be generous towards her and buy her gifts that you believe she will enjoy. The giving of gifts increases mutual love.

 

Don't look for another wife. If you marry another wife, do you have any guarantees that after sometime she will not act the same way? Secondly, doing so will only increase the distance between yourself and your current wife. What kind of impact will that have on the children? Try to solve this issue by getting to the bottom of her lack of response towards you. Find the reason and seek the help of Allah in solving it.

 

Insha-Allah, by following the above steps, we make dua that Allah increase the love between you and your wife, and enable you to receive emotional and physical comfort in your wife.

 

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Sohail ibn Arif,
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

KHARWASTAN

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