Marital

Is it natural to argue with one's spouse?

Question:

I got married one year ago but now my wife and I are having arguments and at times we don’t talk although we really love each other.  We both end up crying after the episode is over, please advise us how to overcome this.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Love is an amazing sensation.  Only one who has tasted love can appreciate this statement.  Love has the potential to make a cold night into a hot summer’s day.  Love has the capacity to make the bitter turn sweet.

The connection between a husband and wife is also an unexplained phenomenon.  The warmth and love between the two can be felt a mile away.  The spouses can almost telepathically sense each other.

The heart of a human is constantly changing.  We are affected by every situation.  Our mind frames are influenced by the most trivial of issues.  A bad day at work can induce an argument.  Bubbling frustration sometimes erupts unintentionally at home.  A spouse’s actions may be translated incorrectly by the other spouse, resulting in a negative response.  Man’s weakness is just so apparent.

One of the most effective solutions to all situations is to simply think for two seconds before doing an action.  Think with a clear mind:

Will this be of benefit?

What will the repercussions of this action be?

Always keep one’s emotions under control.  Allah the Almighty has placed intelligence in the mind and emotions in the heart.  The head rests above the heart.  We need to govern our emotions with the intelligence we have been bestowed with.  Think, think and think!

Despite all the electrifying love flowing between a couple, like all bonds, a marriage can become rusty at times.  It needs to be oiled regularly.  Every marriage has ups and downs.  A marriage has to be maintained and worked upon constantly.  Just like houses are cleaned daily to keep them sparkling and neat, a marriage needs constant attention to keep it sparkling.  One has to have charisma coupled with a sense of diplomacy.

Love and romance for a marriage are like water and sunlight for a plant.  A marriage needs to be soaked in love and romance.  Show your love to your spouse upon leaving and entering your home.  The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would kiss his wife upon departing her company.  Bring a gift for your wife unexpectedly.  Dress for her in what she likes seeing you in.  Take her out somewhere romantic.  Express your love constantly in different phrases, gesture and signals.

Always assess each situation independently.  Do not haste in making judgements.  Keep a cool mind and disposition.  Do not sleep until you and your wife are happy with one another.  Remember to think twice before reacting to anything.  Your spouse is a human; she is prone to mistakes.  Many a time the husband is in error.  We have to be just and fair.  Be man enough to control your emotions and change situations.

Allah shower your marriage with perpetual love and blessings. Amin

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mufti Faraz al- Mahmudi

 

Beauty is Skin Deep

 

Question:

I am going to be getting married shortly.The girl that i am proposed to is pious and Deeni conscious,however im not too sure of getting married to her because she is not as good looking as my friends wife and others.What should i do?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu `alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

 

You compare the beauty of your friend’s wife to your “wife’’.

What would you do if your wife was more beautiful than your friend’s wife and you came across another woman more beautiful than your wife? When will this comparison stop?

Beauty is relative and competitive. No amount of beauty will fulfil you.

Furthermore, what if you your wife is extremely beautiful but she has bad conduct. She backchats you, screams at you and makes life miserable. Will you still enjoy her beauty?

Beauty is skin deep and temporary. If you chase a woman because of her beauty, what if her form and figure changed upon birth or due to unforeseen circumstances, will you change her?

If you found a woman who is reasonably good looking but has good values and sound character, you should be content with that.

The beauty of a woman is admired for a few days in the beginning of the marriage, thereafter one lives with the conduct of the person. Don’t be deceived by beauty. Don’t compare your wife to other women. Be happy with her as a person. Say to yourself you are happy with her.

And Allah knows best.

Mufti Ebrahim Desai;

By Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Head, Darul Iftaa

Faculty of Jurisprudence & Islamic Verdicts

13 January 2013

 

Question:


I've been told that premarital relationships are haram because they lead to premarital sex, and that makes sense in the old times, when contraception wasn't as readily available, but in the modern era, where condoms are and other contraceptives are easily available, why are premarital relationships and sex prohibited? The way I see it, as long as STDs and unplanned pregnancies aren't an issue, there doesn't seem to be a huge problem with either premarital relationships or premarital sex. Care to explain?

 

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

 

You have been wrongly informed regarding the reason for the prohibition of pre marital sex. In the past there were effective ways to avoid pregnancy. The illustrious Fuqaha have even discussed the laws of Azl( coitus interruptus) in which ejaculation takes place out of the womb. The prohibition of premarital sex is absolute whether one falls pregnant or not.

In fact every type of pre marital relationship is regarded as Zina. This includes talking to ones future spouse through telephone, Skype or internet chatting.

If potential spouses are convicted of pre marital sex, that is regarded as fornication and in an Islamic state both will be punished with 100 lashes. If pre marital sex was permissible, that would lead to fornication across the board. Two persons who are convicted of fornication would simply have to say that they are future spouses and justify their fornication. Taking it a step further, extra marital affairs too would be permissible as the convicted couple would simply claim that they are divorcing their marriage partner and would marry their ‘fiancé/e’.

The prohibition of pre marital sex is to safeguard the chastity, dignity, and honour of future spouses and especially the girl from abuse. What would happen if the future spouses engaged in sexual activity and then one of them have a change of mind not to marry? That could be devastating especially to a girl who may have sacrificed her virginity to the person. While we do acknowledge that this could happen even after marriage, however, there are laws regulating divorce issues to safeguard one from such injustices. That is not so before marriage. A woman would be used in the pretext of marriage to fulfill ones carnal appetite and simply be dumped. In this world of technological advancements where ones sexual appetite is unlimited, men conduct themselves like vultures to prey on women and abuse them. This is a common occurrence.

A women has a natural right of dignity and honor. She should never be left to be abused. She is not an object to fulfill someone’s passion and desire. She deserves much more than that. There is much write up about women serving as prostitutes in dens. They feel no more than animals and they themselves realize the beauty of Islam’s teachings in preserving women in Hijab.

A woman in Islam is treasured like a Jewel. She is thus preserved in her jewel box- her Hijab.

 

KHARWASTAN

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